Messed, My head is

I awake to sterile white halls
The blurred vision of a document in my hands
With the echo of a gasp, the whisper of distraught
Feeling the outline of your name
My mouth turns salty and dry, as
With a waft of dry blood,
Cringing up my nose

It cannot be what I fear most...
Thank the lord, it was only a nightmare.

An experience of pathetic fallacy

I look outside at the trees and small plants in bloom
Brown all over, but with green leaves sprouting too
The brush full of death
The canopy above is rife with life
The sun trumps over all, casting an orange glow
Only on the top half of the wood, creating
An uneasiness as day transitions into night
Feeling empty inside, like the wood before me
Only half filled with the orange light
Soon all of the wood will fall into darkness
With the cool winds flowing through it

At least the woods are whole again
However not I, no sunset
Is going to make me whole tonight.

Worn and Torn

Impenetrable reflections on mirrors
All around me, watching my every error
No matter how many I eliminate
There is another I must eradicate...

Each with it's own face
Similar, but not the same
Portraying actions, or
Thoughts never shown

I see myself in these mirrors
Creating within an unimaginable terror
The fears of what if or what was wrong
Hopes and dreams, made in one mold
Now smelted away to create another, or
Left as scrap to be claimed later
Destroyed by these sated mirrors

The strength for fighting has left
Yet I keep on fighting an infinite enemy
Destroying me, one way or another
It seems when the last of my hope
Is over, only then I can rest among these mirrors
Forever...

Wishing That I Never Dreamed

The moments before I dreamed to sleep,

I was angry, upset and mad

Making life the worst kind of living...

The dream took me by surprise

Creating a joy so great,

I must have been living

It wasn't without a journey on it's own,

A sadness mingled as I discovered you all alone

You confessed how you had hated me all these years

How my hopes and dreams, dashed, betrayed 

And wasted by your own hand.

My guardian angels, always so kind

They allowed me to cry without judgement,

Embracing me in an endless light; until

They came...

People came and wasted that emotion,

They put you in danger, my love for you

Rose and surged within my person

I was unafraid and I embraced you, as

As the world stormed around us,

Together we dangled in the wind when all else,

Had failed to stay together or tethered

Afterwards, it was too late

My grudge came and I was determined

To leave you forever, but you stayed

I stayed with you, only bitterness in my mouth

However you loved me then, I gave in and loved back

I conjured non-magical jewelry,

Accessories cheap, you still

Embraced me, with so little strength

I lifted you, and spun you in the air

You were as light as a feather

We then kissed, I remember every detail

As if it were real, my life at that moment

Was joyous ecstasy, your lips soft

Inviting, we fell backwards and rolled down green

Lush hills with summer air and...

I woke, crying, "No! Why! I wanted more!"

Alas, I realized that was a dream

I could not ever dream...

Franken-spider man I released

The spider, so terrifying in appearance
In name it is cursed, no one
Pities, or sings of spiders in songs
Instead they are used, and killed
A misunderstood monster, captured
Cornered and to be killed.
Today I released that spider into the woods
Where the trillium is already in bloom,
It blends with the fallen clutter,
Not even a blight upon the beautiful garden,
Where I let loose a monster.

Tabula Rasa

A wave of anxiety, crashes

Over my nerves, like an ocean

Over a lowered sea wall.

Barely kept out, it stays within

Until the ocean it left behind.

Dries within my person.

When that ocean is gone, it leaves

Fear, a fear of losing... something.

It looks strange, perhaps it's what I

Never or will ever have.

The thought of it permeates through my pores,

Seeping deeper into my skin.

An infection, it cannot go away overnight.

The bottle of penicillin is gone, stolen

Away into the night never to be seen.

Where is my salvation?

I've got friends standing with me,

To talk about things, creating unwanted pain.

Yet, it may be the only way, slowly

Progress is made; To live in peace away,

From what I created.

Feeling nothing, but the soft scented warmth,

Of lighted candles on my path.

One Look

I can't believe it, like watching a man walking on water.
I built a wall, a palisade that reached the sky.
A castle behind me, hard cold stone like a shell.
These all fell before me as I watched, the palisade on fire,
The castle crushed beneath your feet.

A single look from your eyes, they
Entranced my being, blessed away to oblivion.
It was not you that broke my guard;
It was I, that broke them for you.

Swearing oaths, they are just words.
Actions speak on their own,
My actions tell everyone that my oaths,
That these oaths mean nothing.

A new oath can be sworn in the morning,
The real question is how long until I break it.
The answer, is when I look upon your eyes again.
I will break these oaths every time.